Friday, April 8, 2016
Suggestion #1 for Fast-Take Frank
Dear Fast-Take Frank,
Great Lakes Basin Transportation llc
April 8, 2016
Make no mistake Frank. This is not a knee-jerk reaction to the Illiana toll road. There's some ticked off people out there who really aren't happy with you and your outside the process speculation project. Right now Frank, you're caught up in a tornado, inside a hurricane, with a honey badger.
You need some help before this train of yours comes off the tracks. We're getting the feeling you're new to this game of easement siting and need some advice. We're sensing a little frustration in your tone and some of our operatives are hearing reports that you are being a little snippy with the locals at the county government offices. It is troubling to think you might be feeling down and thought it would be good to give you some advice. Maybe you didn't get the playbook on Easement Obtainment. Amazon sells it under Eminent Domain Domination. Here's a couple tips that might pick up your spirits.
First, you need someone who supports your project. A big name in the rural community would be a key mascot for your agenda. It would have to be someone who farms and supports rail expansion. Craig Lang in Iowa your man, but he will probably cost some money.
Lang supports the merge of Canadian Pacific and Norfolk Southern. Turns out there's a lot of Canadian Pacific track laid in Northern Iowa that runs east to Chicago. He would be a good spokesman to attempt to explain how much more corn could be sold from Iowa into the Chicago and Toledo markets if only there was a bypass around Northern Illinois. The fact that corn travels to plants in central Illinois, feedlots in Texas, and the export market in New Orleans is irrelevant. Go ahead and talk about eastern corn markets.
Craig Lang has experience forming his own Astroturf organization in the past supporting Iowa wind energy corporations. Windward Iowa was a key supporter of the Rock Island Clean Line transmission project through Illinois and Iowa. He was instrumental in attempting to seek easement approval through Iowa and Illinois. Just ask him, he'll be glad to tell you how key his support was for Clean Line.
With him being in Iowa and your project being in Illinois, his support will be even more glowing on paper. He’s probably willing to form a website and other social media enhancements for Great Lakes Basin Transportation llc. You really need some help, Frank before this train runs off the bridge.
Do you need a public relations or marketing firm to assist you in this endeavor Fast-Take Frank? There's a good one in Des Moines. With the Iowa caucus over, they probably have time for you and your transportation spec project. They come highly recommend at creating a social media followers of a project like yours. Craig Lang's done some previous windwart and eminent domain infrastructure for private gain work with them. Top notch at forming a public relations campaign spinning dirty wind infrastructure projects into "clean" eminent domain projects.
Think about it this weekend. You're on a train, in a tornado, in a hurricane, with a honey badger. It's time to look for a way off this train, Frank. Actually, I wouldn't recommend either of these old worn out tactics. The utility industry has worn these tricks out with rural communities. Sure, the PR firm and the paid spokesman always talk a big game, but we've seen them all before. We've had our fill of venture capital speculation projects seeking eminent domain for our homeland.
Have a good weekend thinking about eminent domain, Fast-Take Frank.
Just remember...train...tornado....hurricane...honey badger.
You have no idea what your up against.
The Editorial Board at Strawman RR